3rd...

          There's a saying, Once bitten, Twice shy'. In our case, it's 'Once bitten, Twice shy, Third immune.' I guess having a child with special needs made us tough. We faced rejection, one after another where ever we go - that it's becoming a lifestyle and expected.

          Last year, I posted about the 2 enhancement centers that rejected my daughter. Their reasons were : unable to sit still, needs constant supervision, non-verbal etc. As usual, they tried to be nice and told me perhaps when she's older she will be able to attend the classes. Yeah, I was bummed. And totally depressed. I think it took me a few weeks come to terms with their rejection. Especially when the second center actually advertised that they ACCEPT special needs. Yeah, RIGHT. 

          Well, I did learn about another center that is 'very good' with special needs children. Last year. But I didn't do anything. It was recommended by a friend whose son has special needs, and improved tremendously after attending the classes there for 2 years. I didn't do anything. Besides, the son was verbal and does rather well academically. I should have known.

          But last month, I met with another friend, whose son was of the same age as my daughter. He was, well, very different from before. I think I've not seen him for 2 years. His is now verbal and doing rather well in a mainstream class. I would be lying if I said I'm not envious. In fact, I met her outside the speech therapist room, after the new therapist who has seen her for only the second time told me my daughter have a long, long way to go for her speech to develop. The new therapist also brushed off all the words she managed to say as just 'sounds' that are similar to the words. In short, my daughter is totally non-verbal. I felt that I was back to square one - starting off right from the beginning - to when she was just 18 months old. When the friend told me to try this other center that her son went to, which by the way teaches on one to one setting. The teacher will have 5 students at one time, but she has an assistant to accompany the others while she concentrate on one at a time. It sounds good. I should have known better.

          We sent her to the center for a trial class. But not after explaining to the teacher of what to expect from her. Well, all I can say is, it didn't work. The principal was at loss in his words, after telling me what happened : she wouldn't come to the table after being called, and she ran here and there. I told the principal, I am fine with this. I felt that there is no need to explain that my daughter needs more time to get used to the setting and teachers before she would comply to anyone. As usual, I was told that perhaps she could try again after she is a bit older. Yeah... I don't think waiting for her to get older is an option. She is 7 years old now. If I am to wait for her to be verbal, able to sit still and do all the other things teachers expect her to do before I start teaching her anything. It would be too late. 

          A well meaning friend asked me what exactly do I want for her. I just wanted her to be able to function in this complicated world. But in order to do that, she needs more than personal life skills. She needs to have a way to communicate with people, instead of having other people trying to understand and read her body language. The society will not be that kind and patient to her. I wanted her to at least talk, or even if she can't talk very well, at least she could write. I've heard of a student who never say a word in school, but writes his answer to anyone who talks to him. I am fine if my child can do this too. To excel in academic is not a priority to us, but to me, I still teach her her school syllabus (with a little modification) to expose her to the vocabulary and knowledge. To me, she is still a person. She still can absorb things. She still needs mental stimulation just like anyone else.
        Many may ask why then don't I send her to a special needs school. Well, all I can say is, it will be my last option. The closed and protected setting may sound very good, but the problem is she will never have contact with any typical children to learn their typical ways of handling the world. I may sound selfish, but trust me, my heart ache everyday with any sign of anything that goes wrong in her school. But this is tough love. I cannot and will not be able to shelter her forever. 

       In the close setting of our home, she is such a sweet little girl. Though she does have some non typical behaviour, she is generally very obedient and compliant. I just love her smiles and hugs. She makes me smile and grateful for all her little achievements. But my heart ache for her at the thought of the possibility of her being confined in this small world and only able to venture out when we are around to supervise. :(