Learning progress 4/10/2015 - 11/10/2015

I've mentioned and attempted several times over these years to teach my daughter to learn academically.  A few times I'd managed to stick to a schedule for a few weeks, sometimes a few months- but in the end, life happens and I'd stop. Having high expectations causes deep frustrations in me. For almost 2 years, after she entered primary school,  I've stopped focusing on her academic skills and decided to lower my expectations to only having her not causing troubles in school and learning independent life skills.
          Once in a while,  I'd get her to do some written work, but never expecting much from her. I'd hold her hands and guided her to write - with the intention of introducing the knowledge,  while I explained in as simple way as possible the work being done. I think I've sort of given up getting her to write independently but still hoping that she'd learn something.
          Anyway, God's gentle nudge prompted me to start teaching her to write again. I almost gave up - the 2nd day. She had me crying and boiling inside throughout the day. Being pregnant, I tried hard to control my emotions but failed. I was so disappointed with myself.
          But somehow God decided that I should not give up now. Deep inside,  I felt something kept reminding me to see the readiness in my child. Yes! She does show signs of readiness in learning academically. Several times we 'caught' her peeking at her brother when he is doing his homework.  She'd come over to have a look when the brother complained about some difficult work. Whenever I asked her to come to the table for some work,  she'd willingly come. And whenever I 'helped' her with her maths addition - I'd sometimes feel her hands moving against mine as she attempted to write numbers - at times, the movement is correct.  Plus, she is showing reaction when I praised her for doing her 'homework'. After every exercise,  she'd look at me expectantly. If these aren't readiness - tell me what should I look for....
          On the 3rd day, I decided to try a different approach. I prepared a glass of milk for myself and acted as if I don't expect much from the lesson.  With a neutral tone, I had her trace her numbers 1 and 2 - sometimes just touching her little pinky to get her going. I praised her for good writing but quietly held her hands to correct the wrong ones.
          By the 4th day, she did it! She independently wrote her number 1, with enough strength and pencil control (written within the boxes).  Then we proceeded to number 2. She seemed to have gained more confidence and followed instructions to hold her pencil correctly with the other hand holding on to the sheet of paper, AND have her eyes on the paper while writing. After a few tracings,  she'd look at me for confirmation - we praised her profusely!  I try to build her confidence by having her trace the number 2 (I wrote with light coloured pencil colour) and purposely leaving a few boxes blank here and there.
         By the 6th day, she could write the number 2 without tracing. Isn't that something!!!
         What I have learned from this week is that every child is different.  I believe that she will reach her milestones in her own time. But - I will have to be attentive and alert to her signs of readiness to each milestone and work on them when the time comes. The Montessori concept emphasizes on respecting the child and to teach each child when they are ready.
         I pray that this time I will be more consistent to slowly get her to love learning academically and to continue to improve.


          I shouldn't neglect my son's progress too. For the past months,  he has discovered the fruits of hard work. In his eagerness to receive presents in kindergarten for being in the 1st to 4th position, he told me he wanted me to help him with his revisions prior to his mid year test. The beginning of the year, he got the 5th position and could only look on as his peers receive presents. 2 weeks before his tests, I did intensive revision with him ( while discovering his weaknesses in certain subjects :(, which I didn't really notice before) I created and printed worksheets after worksheets and drilled him with his spelling and surprisingly - he did not complain! He did shed a few tears, when he made mistakes in the worksheets and spelling - but he persevered. The end result - he got the 4th position. He was elated! We celebrated and bought him his favourite comics and made a big fuss of him (while reminding him how his hard work paid off)
          He couldn't stop talking about it that I took this opportunity to get him on track for a good study routine - preparing him for a more gruelling primary 1 life.
          Together with his sister - on the same day - I took the risk of tiring myself - I prepared daily schedule for him. He has the freedom to do whichever of the 4 to 5 items of reading/exercises I prepared for the day - in return for a sticker. He has to promise me not to ask or 'beg' for ipad or tv time during school days nor to complain about his workload. (More for my sanity) I do however, reduce his work when he looks tired.
          So, my son has been on daily schedule for a week too. He learned to quickly finish his work and he is free to read his comics and play. On Friday, he'll have 6 stickers (we start from Sunday) to enable his access to ipad games we downloaded (no wifi for videos). He can have the ipad until Saturday but he still has a few light items to do in his schedule like colouring and flash cards revision. (My time to relax :)  I am hoping that we can continue with this pace through the next 6 weeks of school. Then we'll have around 5 weeks of school holiday where I need to work on his weaker subjects. Hopefully by next year, I won't have difficulty getting him into the primary 1 rhythm without having to send him to tuition classes. Praying hard. :)

Updates.... and some thoughts on homeschooling.

          I fully have the intention to let this blog rest for sometime coz I have other plans that needed my attention. But somehow, a friend's simple question asking me about my opinion of homeschooling got me thinking. Well, it's more of a push of that 'guilt' button that's always there but ignored. (it's not her fault - I'd like to think of it as God's gentle reminder of my responsibilities.

          As some of you might realize, I have been focusing more on myself for the past months. 2014 wasn't a good year for my family - especially me. With my daughter just entering primary school, I've had to deal with her many different issues that cropped up every few weeks, and the stress at work almost suffocated me. To make things worse, I have this bad habit of stress eating. - which is why 2014 sees me at my heaviest and most uncomfortable phase of health. I'd get easily tired, mentally exhausted and very bad tempered. - which is NOT good for my family.

          Anyway, I've started pushing myself to exercise, and eat a healthy diet AND managed to lose weight. I am very happy to report that as of now, I've lost about 10kg. I have more confidence in myself. I don't look or feel easily tired. And the most important is that I feel renewed.

          But when I look back, I feel a tinge of guilt. 'Coz in my 'quest' for health, I have in a way neglected my children. Previously, I am totally focussed on them. I don't have to cook (we go to my mil's), and I have a cleaning maid coming every week to clean the house. - which means that I have all the time (after work) to concentrate on my children especially on my daughter.

          For the past months, I leave them be. I started cooking our own meals, learning to bake, doing household chores myself (no more maid) and exercising. - which translates to less time with the children. I confronted my husband with my 'guilt' and he was very supportive - saying that he's happy that I've finally decided to 'love' myself and take care of myself and my personal development.

         But the guilt is still there. This year, my daughter is in Primary 2. This first month did not go too well. In just the first 2 weeks she managed to tear almost all her text books. She cried and refused to wear her school uniform for the first week. And refused to wear her PE uniform on the 2 days they have PE in school. She did not drink her water at all in school - and rushed for water right after she arrived at grandmother's after school. Just last Friday, she came home with a classmate's book which she tore. Her teacher asked her to bring back the book to be repaired and returned on Monday.

          I've only done the minimum for her school work too. When I am able, I'll get her to do some writing exercise and finish a few pages of her school workbooks. (Her teachers never gave her any homework - mainly because she can't write on her own yet) I think her teachers just tolerated her 'existence' because we insist on sending her to the mainstream. The only things that kept us with this decision was that though she did not improve in her academics, both the teachers and I agree that she improved in her social skills. - Our main purpose for the mainstream. Other parents may think socializing is not that important compared to academics, but to us, it's the start to her survival skills.

          Since December, I sent her to piano class. Again. I requested on personal one to one instruction. Initially I accompanied her to give the teacher some idea on how to get her to follow instruction and concentrate on the lesson. So far, she is doing okay. She does seem to remember the notes taught and are more often cooperative than not. But we did not insist on the theory and written part of the lesson. She is also starting to show her musical instincts. Both her father and I love listening to music and we would often hum or sing anywhere and everywhere. My son got his father's talent in modifying lyrics into his own songs. As for my daughter, she has started humming the songs we have been singing AND fitting in her own 'words' in the music. hahaha.... try to imagine how her daddy smiles when she sang 'da di da di' to a popular song.

          As for my son, he thrived in his own way. He begged to go to arts classes and loves it. He still has his piano lessons, and is now planning for extra English classes outside too. He has more self control and very obedient. His kindergarten has water play every 2 weeks, and he never asked to play but instead reads or does his homework in class just because I told him he's not allowed to play with water in school. ( I do let him play with our water pool at home). I managed to get him to read books, magazines as pastime since we don't have television at home. He gets his dose of the TV at his grandmother after school. He is also his sister's little teacher. He'd sometimes think of some skills he wanted his sister to learn, and start teaching her. It is so endearing to see his persistence and the sister's willingness to follow his instructions. He is so ready to be a big brother that he has been praying aloud to God for a baby brother or sister. I am still not sure how to handle this request since both hubby and I have finally decided that we are really done with just 2.

          Anyway, after much thought last night, I am again gearing up for more lessons at home now that I feel more energetic and healthier. I hope I will have the persistence to be more consistent. I may not be posting as much, coz I think it'll be more of reading together and discussions, and working on my selection of 'school' books with a bit of arts and crafts thrown in. The montessori materials, flash cards and educational games and programmes will still be used - but they're all the same things that I've posted before. When I bought whole sets of 'curriculum', I fully intend to finish them. The different sets of whole programs could actually last until they are around 8-10 years old. I'm still adding quality reading materials to our collection in my effort to create a print-rich environment for them. (my main problem is that my daughter loves to tear the books apart). Since last November, I've added Legos to our list of creative work and the kids have been hanging around when I bake. (I told them mummy's learning and they are very curious to see what I'm baking. I hope this will ignite some interest in the kitchen too - home economics, right? hihi)

          Why trouble myself?
Sometimes, my colleagues would comment why do I need to spend so much energy on my children. They suggested me to just send them off to tuition centres and that's it. I don't have to buy or make the 'learning' materials and spend so much money, time and energy - and tire myself. But I think this is all worth it. My only regret is that I am not able to this full time. But I am grateful that my full time work does allow me to have more time to do all these. I am willing to search, research, spend money on materials, source out specific classes that I myself is not able to teach, and even learn some of the skills myself to be more able to guide my own children. But is this homeschooling? I guess in a way, it is - for my daughter. Since she's very young, though she does go to preschool and what nots, my purpose has always been the social and independence skills. I taught her her ABC's and 1,2,3's..... and all other things - at home. - and she gets to learn to generalise them in school. As for my boy, he is still young. I will still continue to teach him myself, focusing on his strength, and at the same time allowing him to learn the social aspect in the community (in kindy and in school) - and hopes that he'll grow into a well rounded person. I talked to him alot about the happenings in school and we discussed about almost everything we can think of. In a way, he is a mature little person.

          So, will I continue this when they are older?
Yes. It is my indefinite responsibility. I will continue to 'homeschool' my daughter based on her interests and strength. And there is a term 'afterschooling' for my son. - which means teaching him things other than the things he learns in school. This will mostly be about honing his interests and strength. As for now, I can see his interests and strength is in maths, arts and music. Besides, isn't this almost a norm for students who went to private schools here? They study international syllabus and at the same time they study for Malaysian Public examination too.

          Won't this be too much for him?
Well, I think with my knowledge of the public school system, I'll be able to adjust things accordingly. That is why he needs to learn to be disciplined and use his time wisely since young, so that he'll have the ability to organize his time wisely for both school work and his interests.

          He is still young. Give him a break.
 I have my responsibility to raise up children who are well-rounded and this starts right from the beginning of their life. Pampering and shielding them from the ugly side of the society won't help them. I hope for my children to grow up able to recognize the good and the bad - and to be able to handle them properly (which is why I discussed about life and issues with them even though they are still very young). Adult life doesn't start just like that. It is continuous, and one day when they suddenly find themselves faced with adulthood and it's responsibilities, I hope they will use all the skills they've learnt since young.
       

There is no right or wrong in parenting. The same goes for homeschooling, afterschooling  or flexischooling. Every household is unique and no one approach fits into every situation. This is what fits into my family for now. Who knows, it might change as my children grow?

Primary 1...

          We started the first day of school in a daze. With heavy heart, I had to go to work, praying hard that everything will be fine with my daughter on her first day in Primary school. My husband sent her to school. We were nervous and wanted to do everything right from the start, but ended up making mistake for being too 'obedient'. When we met her school headmaster a few days before the school opens, we were told that we have to arrive by 6:45am. I kept reminding my husband to be earlier to secure a front table for Joy. He went early, but the school wasn't even opened. The classroom was still locked. So he brought Joy to the toilet, which she went without a fuss. But the drama began when she came out of the toilet to find a whole group of students with parents all waiting outside the classroom. And she refused to go into the class. Our prediction was that she was overwhelmed by the sudden 'appearance' of these people, which I assume was not being quiet. You know how mothers are when they are in school, especially 'home makers' when they met with other mothers they know... phew... I wonder if they thought that school is a meeting place for them to vent about their household and children. (anyway, not meaning to offend any homemakers out there - it's just what I've observed and experienced when I was at home on leave for a few months previously)

          Anyway, my daughter refused to go into the class, and instead pulled her father to the car and sat in the car. They waited in the car until the other students (and parents) were rather settled in her class. The headmaster saw both of them on their way back to the class and insisted to take over. She took my daughter by the hand and asked my husband to go back - insisting that parent's presence may be the cause of her reluctance to be in class. 

          Well, my husband wasn't really convinced. He re parked his car in a hidden corner to watch. As predicted, my now crying (loudly) daughter ran out of the class - towards the staircase (the toilet was under the staircase) , looked and searched everywhere looking for someone - and finally made the bee line towards the school gate - at which, the teachers and headmaster who has been watching her had to run and hold her back. 

          By the time I called the school around 8 am, I was told that she is in the headmaster's office (thank God, not crying) because she was distracting the whole class (and I think the whole school). I was told that the headmaster tried to talk to her, and did a bit of assessment with her - and everything wasn't looking pretty from there. 

          I was told that she couldn't understand people, can't write, and will face / bring lots of 'troubles academically.  Sigh... this is certainly not what I had anticipated for the first day of MY work too. Both hubby and I were very moody at work and we started having headaches. 

          I started calling for advise from her previous tuition teacher and was given some pointers on what to do. I followed her instructions and Phew..... she did rather well on the second day in school. She went into her class by herself (daddy carrying her bag following behind), sat on her allocated chair and started playing with the zipper head on her bag. (I assume this was for her sense of security). When her daddy reminded her to hand in her Buku Kesihatan, she took it out of her bag and handed it to her teacher who was just in front of her. (I am smilling as I typed this). When I went to fetch her after school, I purposely parked where I can see her class, and observed the class from far. I can't see what is going on in there (too far) but I can see some students looking out the door or windows towards the parking lot. 

          My daughter came to the front door once, and I saw her 'playing' with a friend. I purposely waited until some of the parents went in and fetched their children. I wanted to see if she will come out of the class by herself - as the teacher is no longer in the class. She didn't. When she saw me, she handed me her bag. At the same time her Maths teacher came in, and I stopped to chat with her for awhile, at which my daughter started pulling me to go...  but she obediently took her water bottle and drank her water while I continued talking with the teacher. By the way, she did not drink water at all during school time. On the first day, it was full when she got home. The second day, she only started drinking when I asked her to - when I fetched her - and she finished half the bottle in the car. I try to be positive about this - maybe she is still overwhelmed by all the new things happening. (I don't even dare to ask of she's going to the toilet) - I think this can wait. I am more concerned about her behaving herself in the class. So far, I have not had calls from her class teacher, which I took it as a good sign. But the Maths teacher has been telling me that she is not listening from her original allocated seat - the frnt row near the window - and during maths, she has to sit next to the teacher's table - I  have no objection to this. (I secretly hoped all the other teachers would do this too) _ though the Math teacher told me that the seat next to the teacher is for 'naughty' students. 

Another notable point is that she can actually recognize my car. I think perhaps she saw me from her classroom. After getting out of the class, I asked her to walk by herself and find my car. I wanted to see if she can get out of the classroom and get to the gate by herself - as the grandfather will be fetching her most of the time. She walked out of the gate (looking at me once in awhile) with me following her with her heavy bag. She went directly to my car albeit slowly. (I think her feet hurt from wearing shoes the whole morning, though I was sure the shoes were not too small - she was almost tip toeing wearing the shoes and took the shoes off at once, when she got in the car) - have to find out the reason to this... 

Anyway, it has only been 2 days. Hopefully next week will be better. Please pray for her!