"I did more than you have ever done...."

This phrase resonates in my mind over and over again. A man came to me this morning, trying to start a conversation about my daughter. I knew him and a little about his family, which is why I am cautious when he came to my table at work. I knew that he has a child, also with The Diagnosis. But I also knew that this person is an intimidating person.

He told me that he did a whole lot more than I could have ever imagined - for his son. - Who by the way, could at least speak and tell his parents that he needs to go to the toilet. I was thinking to myself, that did this father know that there are a whole varieties of people with autism out there? I did not even try to explain to him what I know, since he kept going on and on about perhaps he could be of help to me and my daughter. Hmmm...A lot of help he has been (after only a 5 minutes chat....) he made me feel that I have not done enough for my precious girl.

I sacrificed my career for this girl. Since she was born - with or without the diagnosis, I have made her my first priority. I transferred and change my work place, just to be nearer to home, so that I could take care of her in the afternoons. At the same time, I refused a promotion. (which equals to almost rm1000 increase in salary per month!) Then, after her diagnosis, I risked my promotion again, by requesting for adjustment in my time schedule, so that I could be with her during her therapy in the morning (during my work hours), and last year, I took a half year leave from work to be a stay at home mom, to take care and teach her at home. We have been contemplating of moving the whole family back to my home town, where my parents could help to teach her, and we would be able to send her to a much smaller school of only 6-7 students per class in primary school - but this means that I have to apply for transfer again, and get myself settled in another work place. - I have even been contemplating of going back to my parents every weekend, which means an 1 hour drive each way, so that my parents could try to engage her and teach her. But we have other plans for our boy - to join Sunday school, and hubby being in the Church choir, - which means that we will be rushing here and there, even during weekends. There will be no rest for me and hubby. What else could I do? We spent all our savings on this child. We had her on GFCF diet, which is not cheap.... and how about all those learning materials I made and bought for her? Don't they mean anything? and the PECS we have been applying and trying to modify all these while?

Anyway... I have come to the conclusion that its up to the person to think how much one is to sacrifice oneself for his children. For me, though I realised that there will always be more I could do... I could never be able to do them all. And I prefer to trust in God to do His work.