Follow up - Want to go!

Joy had stage shock again when she got on stage. I think the crowd surprised her and she couldn't understand what is going on. She just stood there and did nothing while her friends danced and ran here and there on the stage. She was sleepy too, since she had medication early in the morning. I am glad the teacher is considerate enough to ask her to get off the stage, as she really looked out of place on the stage.

The whole experience is affecting me more than Joy. As I watched children of her age singing, dancing and reciting poems on the stage, I couldn't help comparing them with my daughter. As I watched the happy faces of the parents as their child are on stage, I had to tell myself to stay calm and not break down.

These are the things I had hoped for my girl, and they are not coming true. The reality is glaring at me. No matter how much I console myself with her achievements and improvements, things will never be what I have dreamt of. After the show, I kept telling and reminding myself that God has been good to me, guiding me through the tough times, and He will always be there for me when I need Him. I had to keep reminding myself how much Joy has achieved and how hard we worked towards her achievements.

It dawned on me that I have stopped having dreams for my children, even for Jay. I am living life day after day, not daring to hope for the future. Am I still in denial?