Tired!

All I wanted to do is sleep. But that is the only thing I can't do now. Right now, little boy is asleep, but little girl is wide awake and seemed to be full of energy. Usually, I'd grab this opportunity to get her to do some structured learning. But I am just too tired - mentally and physically.

I have not been sleeping properly since Tuesday. Jay was sick since Friday, and on Tuesday, Joy caught the bug. I had to wake up several times at night, to check on both of them, to give them medicine on time. Joy has been having fever.... and even vomited twice yesterday morning. Jay is having flu and cough... after fever last week.

With the very much disturbed sleep, I had to go to work. This week, we are having our annual sports day and I was responsible to feed the whole school. At one point, I have been screaming at the students - when they did not listen to my orders. Pity them too, I am really at the end of my nerves, and I am TIRED!

I guess this week is an extention of last week. With last week being chaotic and disordered.... I am frantic and frenzied. this week. (not even bothering to check if I'm using the right words) Just yesterday, to add on to my frenzied nerves, my front door won't open. The key snapped and I was left with half of the broken key. I was almost hysterical.  - I am tired, sweating, and needed a bath - to calm down before I go to fetch my kids. - and the door won't open!

When I managed to calm down, I had my father in law to come and help. Praise the Lord! He managed to take the broken key out (without hurting my door) and we found another set of keys hubby left at my parents in law's house. It was certainly a blessing in disguise, and since I tried to be optimistic - I am grateful that the front door in intact, and everything is fine in the end. (but before that happened, I had to deal with a very fussy boy who wanted to go HOME.... which we can't at the moment, while grandfather settle the problem)

This is by far, the MOST unexpected surprise I had to deal with, when hubby is not at home. It just got me thinking that I really need to train myself to be more independent. (which reminds me of a question - I used to be so independent before marriage.... what happened to that me?)

But I had to be fair too. I am grateful for a few things this week.
1. MIL took my kids to see the doctor after little girl vomited in the morning. (she knew I can't get away from work)
2. My door is still intact. (with the tripple lock - It would be expensive to replace)
3. Though busy at work, I have very capable helpers that minimized more 'events' during the annual sports.
4. I got my computer back. So far, it is as good as new. (hopefuly)
5. I found a new interest, while browsing the applications in the computer. I am going to explore and learn more about microsoft onenote and a few others. - new interests keeps me from iddling and thinking nonsense.
6. I finally cried - I mean, really crying. I have not cried like this since the first year of The Diagnosis. That year was terrible. After that year, I tried to keep myself contained and not 'waste' time pondering over things that I have no control over. I TRIED TO BE STRONG. - but a good cry certainly helped me to easy myself - and to start all over again. A good chat with my church members during a cell group meeting, and just sharing how I am coping is a way to remind myself that I am not alone in this. I still have my brothers and sisters in Christ. And I have God.
7. That brings me to the last item. I am grateful that I did not stray too far away from God. And He did not leave me alone when I really needed His comfort.