Denial?

I was chatting with teacher Anna today, and asked her about a boy whom I saw the other day. In my opinion, he looked and behaved rather differently than typical children. To my (self trained) eyes , through extensive reading and my experience with children with autism at Joy's centre, he certainly looked autistic. Yet, his mother said there's nothing wrong with him.

As I was driving home, I asked myself a few questions. Did I make the right decisions in accepting Joy's diagnosis? And the therapies and early interventions? Are they the right thing to do? What if I never took that first step to get her diagnosed and insist there's nothing wrong with my princess? How will things be like today?

The diagnosis shattered my dreams and my world. I cried and did not sleep for 3 whole days and went through the next few months in a daze. I tried to find answers to all my questions. And I went through a nightmare year. Is this all worth it? Things are better these days, with a few disappointments in between.

Again, the question, what if I never had her diagnosed? Perhaps, I'll still be the bad tempered mom, yelling at the poor princess, when she scream and cry at night, when she scream and cry whenever she wants something but did not know how to make us understand, and perhaps, she will change yet another or more kindergarten who will continue to reject her because of her behavior.... I dare not think of these possibilities.
God has been good to us. He blessed me with a supportive husband, and me with strength, mentally and physically. He has blessed me with insights and guided me through all my decisions. Lord, I pray for continuos blessing, grace and guidance for everything I do. Amen.