Blocked!

I am actually facing problem writing for the time being. In fact, I found that I have too much to think about, and too many things I'd wanted to write about.... that I just don't know where to start. In the end, I ended doing nothing.

I have been in such a blur these 2 weeks. When described in a plot.... there are a few climaxes, without me noticing the rising action and not enough falling action and conclusion. When written as stories.... they are not balanced.

Sometimes, I feel that I am invisible. I see the goings on around me... and I can't get my mind to connect to what they are doing. Nor am I able to get myself focussed enough to get my work done properly. (I had to ask my colleagues and hubby to check on my work - to make sure there's no mistakes). It's that serious. I can't trust myself anymore. and I can't relax. I feel I am in the verge of nervous wreck - any time. How I pray that I can gather my thoughts and actions, and be focussed enough to avoid more unwanted incidents.

I try to analyse myself, and the only conclusion I get is that I can't multi-task any more. But that's just what I need to do! - with the going ons at work, household, and children... I just need to multi task! the moment I wake up in the morning, I run a mental list that I need to complete throughout the day.

- From preparing the kids to school, and mentally going through the lessons I need to teach in class,
- from the actual teaching in class, to planning the lessons for the next day,
- from marking exercises, to mentally planning the lessons I need to do with the children in the evening and at night.
- from doing more paper work, to concentrating on checking off all the to do list at work - before it's due.
- from preparing more exercises for my students, to have a bit of day dreaming of all the what if's....
- from reading blogs and downloading teaching materials for the kids, plus the printing, cutting and sometimes laminating, to stealing some time for myself to watch a bit of movie, here and there.
- from just being there with the children, to also stealing some time to spend a bit of precious time with hubby over a meal outside, or grocery shopping.
- from preparing my lesson plans records, to planning the children's lessons. (I need some sort of record for the children's lessons at home too, so that I don't feel lost, not knowing where to start or where to continue.)
- from just staring into the vacant space, oblivious to the surrounding, to trying to make sense of what people are telling me. There just might be some information which means - there's more work to do. ( I might missed out some announcements, while I was staring blankly and trying to collect myself- preparing for classes, or more paper work. (nowadays - I doubt they are called paper work. Most needs computer and the internet.)
- All this.... including mentally planning and preparing and getting some housework done.... If this is not multi task. I don't know what is. I even had to plan and get myself prepared when any of the children decided to change their sleep patterns. It just shows - how life is so unpredictable.

Speaking of this.... I am grateful that despite The Diagnosis, Joy is very used to the unpredictability in this family. She is adapting rather well. Praise the Lord! ( I am glad that I can still find something to be grateful about.)

I seem to babble, but not too sure where are the main points. I guess I need more time to collect myself. (off to more staring into space) - while trying to type more lesson plan records... oh.... Joy hasn't done her writing yet.

* Just for the record, in between typing this, I changed Jay into his pajamas, and get him upstairs to sleep. He was half asleep. And Joy kept coming to me, and asked me to read/tell her the pictures she is pointing to. And put the water to boil, feed Joy with her multivitamins and Udo's Oil, answer a phone call from hubby - he's off searching the town for organic brown rice powder.... and mentally trying to convince myself that I DON'T NEED TO EAT anything! I've had my dinner. I just feel the need to munch, because I am feeling so stressed.